I think I'm doing better, but I frequently have moments of ... well, not-so-better I guess. I enjoy having my nails done, but I'm not really enjoying doing them ... still behind on the blog ... and periodically going through black moods, which is always when I seem to write more & maybe even better? I've never had a happy poem I like as well as my dark poems. And sometimes they're literal, and sometimes they're more metaphorical - you're welcome to take it in whichever way it speaks to you.
Speed bumps like mountains in my path
So much pain, and fear, and wrath
Looking down ... contemplating old scars
Distant - it's been so many years
And yet ... the thought is there, the urge
To purge with blood instead of tears
I wrote that sometime last week, although I didn't date it so I'm not sure exactly when. But I thought I'd post it up because it's been such a long time since I put up any poems.
Well, if you've read my rant on my main blog, you know why this didn't get up before Thanksgiving LOL. In addition to that, this new wide screen & HD loveliness has a very un-lovely side effect - a ridiculously long upload time. So between converting, editing, publishing, uploading, blah blah blah the process is a lot slowed down compared to how I used to operate.
On a side note - all the camera/computer drama also took up the time I was going to be researching recipes & cooking - and I committed the sin of purchasing a pie for Thanksgiving. Oh, the horror! It was still handmade - just not by my hands LOL. My Minneapolis followers may know of the 50's Grill - it was a mob scene Thursday morning, people picking up multiple pies for the big day.
Thanksgiving was a bit subdued but nice. I'm looking forward to Christmas & most of all to cookie day =) Not to mention lots of holiday nail art! And to get you in the spirit - here's at "my" tree all decorated at grandma's house (we started it out in a bucket when I was a kid & now it's probably like 15 or 20 feet tall!):
Things have been pretty mild around lately, since I started vlogging ... really even my vlog about depression, I was in a pretty good mood when I recorded it. But I don't foresee a time when I'd be able to talk about this & not be strongly affected.
There's no way to make death an easy thing to deal with. There are perhaps times it is less difficult, but even when it's expected, there's something about it that's a shock to the system. My grandpa was 84 years old, had outlived all 6 of his siblings, countless friends, and even one of his grandchildren - he himself was ready to go but none of us left behind were ready to lose him.
I credit him with my love of reading - when my parents first came back to this state they lived with them, and he would read to me every morning before he went to work when I was not much more than a baby - just old enough to grab a book & run out to him.
Some of the smallest things bother me ... I had an eye appointment yesterday, & it was hard because when he worked he was in the industry, and he always liked to see my new glasses. Even blogging is a little difficult, because he was absolutely my biggest fan. He would always want to see what was on my nails - but if there'd been a blog post, he'd already seen them.
I am not back to normal. Things really aren't normal anymore - but all I can do is go on until this new situation becomes normal. There's no telling how long that will take - but whatever the tragedy, it always eventually does happen.
I think I said pretty much everything I have to say about it for now in the vid:
I have talked about it before on this blog, and in some of my poetry I've posted here, but it's still not a comfortable topic for me. I'm less comfortable right this minute posting it than I was last night recording it - so I guess it's good I did it while I could =)
My original estimate of a day for editing was ... (drum roll) ... a FAIL! Almost a week LOL:
Part of the reason it took so long was of course the overtime at work this past week, not only staying late there but it throws everything else off, my commute home takes longer & I just felt rushed for time all week. Which has thrown a huge wrench in my whole getting back to exercise plans, but I'm going to make the attempt next week - because if I can fit it in & do it now, with everything so hectic, it will be simple to do it once things settle down & are back to normal.
Another editing FAIL! Man, I don't know why it takes me so long to do these:
I'm so pleased with my little baby 8 gauge tunnels - 8 is the smallest gauge you can get an actual tunnel that's hollow in the middle, although it really does have to be at just the right angle to see through it LOL:
The boat trip was supposed to be me, mom, her sister & her husband, but my aunt was unfortunately not able to come so it was just the three of us. It was a lovely time & a gorgeous day - the sky was blue, the leaves changing, and the sun shining - we stayed out almost until dark:
Still enjoying pretty nice weather for October in MN, but it's really going to start cooling down this week. I've got to get this a/c unit out of my window, it's letting in a bit too much of a draft =) & I already have the space heater out LOL.
Wow, talk about procrastination ... took me more than 2 weeks to edit this!
& sad to say that as good as I did that week, I have SO fallen off the exercising wagon since then. The following week I only exercised once, and this week I didn't exercise at all =( I haven't been feeling well & actually right now have a headache that has come & gone for 2 days straight. Thank goodness it's the weekend, at least I'll have time to rest up & hopefully if I get more than a few hours of sleep it will go away. I am soooo tired all day, then in the evening it's like I get my second wind until by the time it's "bedtime" I'm wide awake. I need to adjust my internal clock or something LOL, I'm going to try very hard next week to get back to my yoga - which does help me sleep I think - and put together a schedule that puts me in bed even if I'm not sleepy. I'll keep you guys posted on how that goes =)
I didn't realize until I uploaded this how long it had been between vlogs.
Doing well so far with the exercising, I did yoga yesterday & today & did the bike today as well. Not worrying about food too much yet, I know from past experience I'm less inclined to snack when I'm exercising, so that will come on its own in time.
So ... yet another case of extremely delayed editing LOL. Whatever I forgot to mention in the vid, if anything, I've now forgotten in actuality as well, so I won't be adding anything groundbreaking to the blog post =) Here's the vlog:
I can say that I ran out of time & didn't have time to pick out plates before I went to the Fair - so I had to stand at the booth & decide, but I did come home with 5 new places =) Those will be up later on my main blog. Thanks for reading.
I was too shocked to even curse when I discovered this as I went to leave for work this morning:
Glass all over the interior, even up into the front seats & onto the dashboard. Luckily my insurance will cover it, but stuff like this just leaves such a feeling of violation & I honestly cannot relate to anyone who finds some kind of twisted pleasure in random vandalism. I can put myself in the mindset of doing something to hurt someone who's hurt you, although I like to think I'd never go there myself, but where's the "fun" of hurting a stranger? At least half a dozen vehicles in my neighborhood had chunks of cement hurled through various windows. I wish horrible, horrible things upon whoever did this & the wish that karma comes back quick & hard.
The insurance-approved repair company will be out tomorrow. I hope they come in the early end of their time window because mom & I have tickets to the King Tut exhibit at the science museum in the evening & I was supposed to drive ... I prefer driving LOL, I had to be passenger in her car - she drove me to work today - and I'm just not used to not being in control. & my car is more comfortable too =)
SOOO glad that tomorrow is going to be cooler, if not exactly cool. Although even at the temps we've had recently & heat warnings, I'll take it any day over the freezing cold winter LOL!
Frisky may make another appearance when she's in a more mellow mood ... she's just grumpy lately. She's entitled I guess at her age - took her to the vet on Monday & he agreed that at 20 she's like a 100-year old grandma that gets what ever she wants =) Thanks for reading.
I got so many kind words last vlog - really thank you to everyone =) It took me a few days to fit it in, but I finally went & got my present from me to me - my lip piercing that I've been considering for quite a while =)
I'll eventually be stretching my bottom holes a little more, but I'm not sure how much. There are so many cool looking plugs, I was eyeing a few while I was in the shop but of course as I'm working my way up I don't want to spend too much on jewelry that will only be in for a few weeks, so the little colors glass studs that I got are pretty much the cheapest option.
Do you have any piercings? I've had most of mine since I was pretty young, my first earrings at I think 5, my 2nd hole around 12, my 3rd around 13 or 14 & I got my navel done at 16. I'd eventually like to get a tattoo also, but I have to narrow down my choices before I take that leap =)
I started getting gifts yesterday - just a few small things - and today at work I got a homemade ice cream cake! YUM! Tomorrow is the celebration for the company's 25th anniversary - but I'll be pretending it's for me all day LOL.
I'll try to record another vlog & post tomorrow, see if it's hit me yet that I'm not a kid anymore =)
I suck at editing LOL - not the actual editing, I mean making myself sit down & do it. And so I have a vlog that was recorded over a week ago XD
The top I'm wearing in this one, I actually just picked up 2 more - one turquoise & the other black. And this time they were buy one get one 50% off so that was sweet.
I recorded vlog #10 today, with a few more OOTDs & a bit of talking about makeup - maybe I'll stop numbering them after 10? Let me know what you think ... it's becoming a bit ... I don't know, kind of contrived or something. I think I've proven to myself I'm not going to quit after three.
This was over a week ago! I didn't think it would take this long to edit & post up, although I did debate for a while if I was even going to post it at all ... but although it's not my most "polished" vlog ever, isn't that kind of what it's about? I'm not perfect by any means, so my vlogs should reflect that:
Here are a few more pics, I didn't get that many on my own camera:
I love shoes almost as much as polish. They're quite a bit more expensive though LOL. I recorded this last week & as I was recording another vlog today, realized that I better get caught up on actually posting them =) So with this out of the way I have one from over the weekend, and the one I recorded today.
The pic that I included in the vlog, I chose because it was one of the few you could see how awesome my nails went with the dress =) The orange was really popping against the black.
Let me know what you guys think of the OOTD & the clothes haul =)
I recorded this last Tuesday actually, but hadn't had time for the editing & all until today. Since that 102 degree day, the temp swung waaay down, by I think it was Thursday morning it was in the 50's, which is just freaking ridiculous IMO.
These vlogs always turn out longer than I expect - even after I've recorded them, when I look at the time it's like twice as long as I think I was talking LOL.
Pinky is safely patched & a good bit shorter so that I don't accidentally knock it around. It's still kind of throbbing, from the polish remover ... I hope the patch holds for a good long while because I'm not looking forward to soaking it off to change it. I'll be doing maintenance with a fresh coat of gel resin every few manicures until it's past the quick.
I feel seriously, seriously lucky to have escaped any harm or damage from the storm. We weren't even home when it hit, we were out to lunch like we often are, and on the way home 4 ambulances passed us & we saw a lot of power outages but none of the damage at that time. When we got home the phone started ringing, with people making sure we were OK.
This morning on the way to work I saw the fringe of the area firsthand, and some more when I came home after work. I was surprised how well the vid at the end of the vlog turned out, I couldn't really see what I was getting at the time, I just had the camera balanced on my steering wheel. Here are some of the other pictures that I got:
There are still hundreds homeless tonight & thousands without power. If you have your home & the conveniences we all take for granted, take a moment to be thankful. Thanks for reading.
Not too much to say about this one either - it was recorded before I actually set up the channel & everything yesterday ... I'm really flatter & thankful for everyone that's being so supportive in this =)
Not much to say about this one ... I recorded it a couple of weeks ago. I have one other recorded, I probably will get that edited later today or tomorrow ... or next week LOL. Depends on what else pops up & how motivated I manage to stay =)
I know I said in January that this blog was not dead - I will proceed to prove the point, because I've decided to make a vlog channel on YouTube, and I'll be posting those here =) So that's why I now have myself as a contributor, because I needed to create another email for the channel, & figured it would be easier to have that login able to post here directly. They're both "Colette" so you won't really see a difference, other than that there is now a "Contributors" widget to the side rather than a "Profile" widget ... and I'm hoping I'll figure out a way to change that, maybe have both profiles show, because right now it just seems silly to have it there with 2 of the same name LOL.
I'll be trying to edit & post up at least 1 of the 2 vlogs I've recorded so far later today =) Thanks for reading.
Even though I haven't posted since November (oops ...) It's just ... I don't know, kind of in a vegetative state. I sucked big time at NaNoWriMo, the last time I tried to get my butt back in gear writing - I wasn't aiming for a novel, but I thought I could manage a notebook. Not even a particularly large notebook. Suffice to say I didn't even get halfway to my goal =(
One of my (as yet unwritten) resolutions for this year is better time management. Still working on it LOL. Hopefully I will find a way to fit creativity other than my nails back into my life.