Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I've come to the conclusion - for probably the hundredth or thousandth time - that I've got a rather volatile personality.  It really doesn't take much to make my mood swing from being perfectly happy to absolutely pissed off.  Bi-polar almost, although I've read that "real" bi-polar swings last 2-3 days.

The thing is, I have so many people ready to make me mad - perfect strangers at times, I get severe road-rage  with the quickness on a bad day - but I don't have anybody around to make me smile.  To give me a hug.  To just listen to me.  All I have to resort to is distraction, books, nails, blogs ... but it's all so solitary that I'm just reminded how much I hate being alone.  And then instead of going from mad to happy, or maybe just neutral, I just go from mad to sad.  Depressed.  Overly stressed.  And, still, lonely.  Which is just fucking retarded because I don't like most people & social situations make me physically ill.  There's a catch 22 for you.

Anyway, poetry has always been an outlet for me to vent through.  Well, maybe not always, but since I was a teenager, and all of my adult life.  I'm only learning lately that I can find as much relief in prose as in verse.  Thus these monthly rants followed by small snatches of whatever is churning inside of me put into poetry:

Sick to death of going solo
But scared stiff by the group
Marching off-beat of the drum
Feeling so out of the loop

Thanks for reading.



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