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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Vlog #22 - Grief

Things have been pretty mild around lately, since I started vlogging ... really even my vlog about depression, I was in a pretty good mood when I recorded it.  But I don't foresee a time when I'd be able to talk about this & not be strongly affected.


There's no way to make death an easy thing to deal with.  There are perhaps times it is less difficult, but even when it's expected, there's something about it that's a shock to the system.  My grandpa was 84 years old, had outlived all 6 of his siblings, countless friends, and even one of his grandchildren - he himself was ready to go but none of us left behind were ready to lose him.

I credit him with my love of reading - when my parents first came back to this state they lived with them, and he would read to me every morning before he went to work when I was not much more than a baby - just old enough to grab a book & run out to him.

Some of the smallest things bother me ... I had an eye appointment yesterday, & it was hard because when he worked he was in the industry, and he always liked to see my new glasses.  Even blogging is a little difficult, because he was absolutely my biggest fan.  He would always want to see what was on my nails - but if there'd been a blog post, he'd already seen them.

I am not back to normal.  Things really aren't normal anymore - but all I can do is go on until this new situation becomes normal.  There's no telling how long that will take - but whatever the tragedy, it always eventually does happen.

Thanks for reading.

~Colette


21 comments:

  1. I'm very sorry for your loss, Colette. I know how hard it can be to lose someone so close to your heart. It was exactly a year ago November 7th, yesterday, that my Nana passed away. It's hard even now because me and my family miss her so much. She was an amazing, kind-hearted person; our whole family was so close to her, and we spent all holidays together.
    I hope with all my heart that things become easier for you to deal with. While you cannot bring him back, you can help him live on in your memories.
    <3333
    I adore watching your videos. You are a beautiful person inside and out.

    Thank you Colette.

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  2. Dear Colette, I can only hope to understand what you are going through!! My grandpa was my bestest friend ever!! Give urself sometime..you will be at peace..just don't try too hard..it'll happen eventually. Soon you'll be looking back at memories and feel happy about all the time you spent with him. God bless you both!

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  3. Welcome back. I hope you get to feeling better, read your other blog. Remember that it is well, and God is still on the throne.

    I can't wait to see all the new stuff you have to post. They'll be as amazing as everything else you've posted.

    Take care. Till later..

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  4. So sorry for your loss Colette. It's never easy to lose a loved one. I lost my grandmother almost two years ago and it's still painful. It will get easier! You'll still miss him, but exactly as you said, there will be normalcy again.

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandpa in July, too :-( It's so hard to let go of loved ones, even when they're old and you know it'll happen soon. Take care! It will get easier. ♥

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  6. I just want to send you a virtual hug. I know what you are going through.

    You are so generous, kind and brave to post this.

    I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing!

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  7. You are blessed to have close family. Losing a loved one is always hard but you will always have your grandfather with you in your memories. And you are right, he would not want you to suffer. You have many people who know you from your generous giving of information. We wish you the very best.

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  8. There is absolutely nothing that makes the pain go away except some time. I was 17 with a 5 month old son when my fiance was killed in a car accident. I wish I had known then that I really needed some grief counseling. My son is now 23 and gets so annoyed with me because I make him text me all the time to let me know he got to his stop safely. His being gone has been easier to deal with than my fear of losing the people I love now. It has left behind major scars that I still need to deal with. I have a fiance now that i'm very fortunate to have understand why i'm a little narcotic lol. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to get some help to guide you through.

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  9. I am having trouble doing flower nail art so I was hoping you could put a nail tutorial on flower nail art on YouTube for me :)
    I am 9 years old and I read your blog and watch your YouTube all the time and I am getting good at doing my nails from what I learn from you.

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  10. Oh sweetie...sigh. No words - just hugs for hope, kleenex for tears and chocolate cause there's always a reason for cholocate. Stay strong.
    Charlie

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  11. I would just like to say that I am sorry for your loss....and that nothing anyone says will ease your pain. I lost my dad from a heart attack in June 2010....BAM and he was gone... and every time I think about it I cry. People don't really know what to say to each other at times like these. I've had people say "well...at least he didn't suffer..." "and thats the bast way to go...."Is that suppose to ease my pain any or make me feel better ?? No...because it don't....I know one thing...I have all these great memories of him...and some days I say...wow , dad would be laughing at this or dad would like that..He will always be with you in your heart and in your memories...always !

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  12. This would be my first comment ever and I just want to say I am sorry for your loss. My first big loss was my grandpa too. It's been 10 years but the sorrow is still there... but the memories keep him alive. He will always be with you, as my grandpa is with me. :) Sending lots of hugs your way, Colette!

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  13. Colette,
    I am so sorry for your loss. Even if it feels like things won't get better, they will get easier. I know your Grandpa must've been very proud of you. Just remember all of the wonderful times you had together. It will get better <3.
    Many hugs to you and your family. My thoughts are with you.

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  14. Hello Colette, First off let me start off by saying that I'm new to your vlog page and I really enjoy seeing your videos. I'm so sorry for your loss and that I can only imagine what you are going through. I too lost my grandfather who I loved dearly. but I can assure you that the pain will subside even though you will always miss him and that he can never be forgotten. he's there in your heart. you and your family are in my prayers. your new subbies Latrice,

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  15. EVERYONE - thank you so much =)

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  16. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not sure if this is much of a consolation, but my mom passed 10 years ago when I was 22. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her, her voice, smile, silliness etc. people often say that time heals all wounds, but I don't find this to be true at all. I feel that time just forces us or teaches us to deal with things in a better way. I feel like missing your loved one is a sign of how much you love him/her rather than your inability to accept his/her passing. I feel like missing someone makes you human and shows how much you loved them. For me it's a way for me to still feel connected to my mom. I

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  17. I feel like sometimes you need that cnnection or the grief just gets I be too much. I know that you don't know me irl but if you ever need to chat I'm more than willing to listen. When my mom found out that she was sick she told me that she had the easy part, all she had to do was die. We were the ones that wee going to be left to figure everything out. I never really understood what she was talking about then, but I get it now. I'm. It sure if any of this helped or made sense, but Im thinking about you. Much love
    ~Davi

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  19. I am so very sorry for your loss.
    I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I am not religious either (in the common sense of the word that is), and I definitely can understand and relate that the bargaining stage is hard, especially when you have nothing and no one to bargain with. I have no grandparent's left, and when I lost my last one I thought the pain was never going to go away. And I know that it is different for everyone, but my pain did go away to some degree. My love and loss for them will never disappear, but I found comfort in knowing there was nothing I could do now to change what happened. It is also wonderful when you see traits of the person you loved living on through you and those around you, it almost makes the sadness beautiful. I won't say time heals all, because it doesn't, but I know there is a possibility for it to get better, and I hope it does for you because you are a wonderful person and truly deserve the best.

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  20. Thanks for posting this - I've been thinking of starting a vlog to cope with my ME. Yours is very inspirational. <3

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  21. hi colette, i empathize with your pain. it does not go away...but it may 'soften' over much time.
    i lost my older brother five years ago, he was 43, he died of undiagnosed heart disease.
    acceptance comes much later...i miss him every day.
    don't ever let anyone tell you how to feel or that your feelings are not valid. we all deal with grief differently. do what you need to do to get through each day, or even each moment sometimes.
    peace and blessings to you my sister.
    ~rose

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Thank you - all comments are welcome =)

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