Things have been pretty mild around lately, since I started vlogging ... really even my vlog about depression, I was in a pretty good mood when I recorded it. But I don't foresee a time when I'd be able to talk about this & not be strongly affected.
There's no way to make death an easy thing to deal with. There are perhaps times it is less difficult, but even when it's expected, there's something about it that's a shock to the system. My grandpa was 84 years old, had outlived all 6 of his siblings, countless friends, and even one of his grandchildren - he himself was ready to go but none of us left behind were ready to lose him.
I credit him with my love of reading - when my parents first came back to this state they lived with them, and he would read to me every morning before he went to work when I was not much more than a baby - just old enough to grab a book & run out to him.
Some of the smallest things bother me ... I had an eye appointment yesterday, & it was hard because when he worked he was in the industry, and he always liked to see my new glasses. Even blogging is a little difficult, because he was absolutely my biggest fan. He would always want to see what was on my nails - but if there'd been a blog post, he'd already seen them.
I am not back to normal. Things really aren't normal anymore - but all I can do is go on until this new situation becomes normal. There's no telling how long that will take - but whatever the tragedy, it always eventually does happen.
Thanks for reading.