Wednesday, January 13, 2010


My parents are arguing ... which they do a lot.  I suppose odds are high that Mom will eventually read this, although I'm not sure how much attention she, or anyone, pays to this blog, but it's really hard to listen to them & not let it effect me.  I broke up with my ex because we argued too much, and sometimes I wonder how, sometimes even why, my parents are still together.  It makes me want to cry.  The arguments themselves, what they argue over, the fact that most of the time I feel me being here doesn't help anything either, even though I'm contributing, even though I'm keeping food on the table I wonder if they'd be better off without me still here.  I may not be the stereotypical 30-year old in the basement, but I'm creeping up on that horrible milestone from my 2nd-floor bedroom.

I was in an OK place, almost a good place when I came home, now I feel myself slipping into a darker place.  A good place for writing LOL.  Ironic.  Or something.

They argue, squabble, speak hurtful words
While everything unsaid also goes unheard
True path untrod, true love unheeded
Unwell, unwanted, in the end, unneeded
Such comfort in a lover's arms

Until that comfort turns to harm
Intentionally push, push, close to the edge
Until you are pushed, pushed over the ledge
No warmth in the heart, no peace in the home
Although I am so lonely, I would rather be alone

When there's so much inside, I feel like I need a way to pour it out, and even dark poetry that I'm not totally happy with is a better outlet than what I used to do.  Venting/ranting helps a little too, which I didn't used to have an outlet for.  So even though under normal circumstances I might consider this TMI to post, I'm going to do so as a catharsis.

Thanks for reading.



  1. I'm so sorry that you have to listen to that. Is there anyway that you can get your own place? I'd rather be totally alone than listening to arguments. They really bother me now. I get very upset by them. I listened to my parents when they were alive. It was always my Mother doing the yelling. My Father always took it. I always took my Mother's side. I didn't mix in but my Mother's always confided in me. I lived at home till they both died. I'd never advise living at home unless absolutely necessary. You need your own space and place to relax and rest your mind. Then I listened to my best friends Mother. She really has a wicked tongue. I love her dearly but not that arguing side. I just want to run and hide when she starts up. She argues with Linda when things don't go her way or something just isn't done right or bought right. Of course I take Linda's side. I hate arguing. If a movie has badly bickering people in it I will turn it off. This place is a good one to let things go. Even I got to do it! Thanks. I like your poetry and feel it deeply. We really need a way to get things out. Unfortunately I've eaten all mine. There's my need to be on a diet. Glad you can share and I can share with you.

  2. LUCY - I have to pay so much for my insurance & asthma medications, I don't really have enough left over to afford red =/ And unfortunately no one who I could have as a roommate. Mostly I will just retreat & stay out of it, but it's just so frustrating in the moment. I've also had my times of turning to food & am trying to stay away from that path.

  3. Sending you a prayer, mami.

    I truly am.

    AND (no disrespect), but you have one of the HOTTEST blog on the internet, regarding nails. WHY are companies not contacting you? IF they aren't, Ms. Colette, please get on the horn, AND start contacting them. OR Essence OR Cosmo OR someone--needs to see this blog--it IS so fly.

    Make your dreams happy, mama. You are a good person, you deserve success, love, and happiness.


  4. A - thanks for the well-wishes =) Things are actually going OK right now as far as home life. I think maybe polish companies don't contact me because I don't really do swatches? Usually just my normal manis & nail art - but all things in time, I know I am reaching a bigger audience every day with new followers & YT subscribers =)

    (Sorry it took me so long to moderate the comment ... I forgot I turned that feature on for this blog because of the spam LOL)

  5. hi colette!!

    greetings from Maldives!
    do pardon my english.. i'm not very fluent.. but i just wanted to let u know that this is by far the most awesome blog of nail art ever!! and i am drooooooling over ur creativity on the nails! u're such an inspiration =D

    and also.. i am so sorry to hear what u're going through.. i hope things work out soon =) *hugs*

    and i also wanted to tell u, please dont stop posting! u're creativity is limitless.. i am checking this blog for updates like every 2 days and i'm even watching ur videos on youtube! u're amaaaaazing!!
    please dont stop nail art ok =D <3



Thank you - all comments are welcome =)


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